Let's chill.

Amazing how things have flipped the record. I'm over here. Been over her. Getting on with my life and all of a sudden she wants to play games. All on the hunch of me "still in love with her"? She tries to put me on blast for certain things on my facebook being "about her." The quotation conversation was, but only cuz it was a joking matter between me and another friend. She tried to put me on blast and put out what I had to say with no intention of ever trying to piss her off or hurt her or any thing along those lines. She still hates me, but I don't care only cuz there's obviously nothing I can do. I wanted to try and actually have a civil conversation with her asking if she wanted to talk, but no she took it as a wager of war. One that I don't plan on taking any part in. Yeah it sucks that she's one girl I've had strong feelings for and now I can't even talk to her. I'll let her do her while I do me. She doesn't think so. She rides the idea of me having the deepest urges for her love and wants to fuck with my facebook page and info. Lady you must have a lot of time on your hands. I assumed that you've been done with me. Since you were the one who cheated on me. I was fine with you throwing me in the trash. So stop picking me up and throwing me in every other trash can. Oh and it's amusing to find out that you've been lying to who knows how many people about what happened. If you're willing to lie to one of your bestfriends to cover up the truth who knows what great lengths you've gone to keep others in the dark just to hoist me up as the bad guy. Shaking my god damn fucking head. In the reaction to the shenanigans of stating on my facebook that I'm still in love was laughter and confusion. I laughed because it was child's play. I was confused because why do it all? At that twice. I don't plan on retaliating. I'm 18 and everyone knows I'm too mature to "get even." Once again have a nice life, but keep me out of it. I plan on doing the same. Kick rocks and dueces.

Late night entry on the phone

So a few nights ago as I laid in bed and couldn't sleep I wrote down a blog entry on my phone. Finally getting around to posting it I realized i didn't finish it hah. Well tonight I will. And yes more stupid ass thoughts.

There's so many things I wish I could say to you. I know it wont matter. I know I'm nothing but a forgotten memory now. Nothing more than a cold, brisk wind. I understand this, don't worry I do. All of this will seem as cliche as every romance movie written and produced since the 20th century. The honest truth is there's a shred of me that won't let go. No matter how hard I've tried for some fucked up ass reason I can't. I still love you. I hate it and at the same time am ok with it. It's been months and I can't get over you. Now I know what love is. It's when your heartaches and the pain that is only bearable because you want to hide it. You keep the pain hidden because you believe it's for the best. You need to hide it.Yeah that pain. I bear it because I don't know what I'm suppose to do or say. "Oh yeah I still have feelings for the girl who put me on the pedestal of the biggest fool because she cheated on me." Sad part is that it's happened twice with her. I tell myself I need to bear this pain because I need to learn. I've fallen for girls, but never like this. None such as you. Just seeing a picture makes me feel like I'm about to go into the ER. Nothing makes sense. These past few days my brain has been fluttered with memories of me and you. I hate it and at the same time like it. These "should've" and "could'ves". All of these thoughts to tear me apart from the inside out. Like I said, this was gonna be as cliche as it gets. So as I sit hear listening to my music I'm still trying to find a solution to end these terrors. It's a tad bit ridiculous. 'Getting hurt for no reason just because you're nice." -Neal Llanda. A homie for life. I'm always gonna be the super nice guy. So I guess I'll keep getting hurt for no reason.

Stuff off the chest and released from the mind.

I haven't written or anything in a long time. I guess it's time to do so. Everyone makes mistakes. As for me, I make the same one over and over. With this last one I have to deal with the biggest consequence. I lost the love of my life. I'm only 18, but I believed in it. I recently saw the comedian Russell Peters live here in Austin. He started talking about how he was just married a couple months ago. He said he knew he was with the right woman because of the way she could calm him. "You know you're with the right person when they can do something no one else can and calm you down when you're pissed. I mean all the others I'd be like 'Fuck I'm gonna kill someone!' and the girl would be like ' YEAH let's go fuck shit up" Haha. And the past week or so thoughts have been rushed into my head of all the memories. Maybe it's God's way of punishing me for every wrong I've done. Lose my love and then get tortured with memories that I wish were false. I can finally say that I have regrets. I hate still having these lingering feelings. It's such a fucking bitch. The only thing I do is wash these memories away with tons of alcohol haha. You know should've and could've questions are just ways to make you feel shitty, yet I still ask myself these questions every single god damn day.

Bitter Endings...

Past two weekends have had bitter endings. This weekend was Prom 2010 and last week was lacrosse's horrible ending. Before anything I'd like to shout out to the people I've spent these weekends with. They don't read this, but still. Shout out to LT Lax Fam of 2009-2010. Great season boys and I'm sorry for how we ended. We should've won against bitch ass Stoney Point but fucks it already. And this weekend to whomever I chilled with during Prom and afterparty at Anna's. Amazing after party and just the night in general. Both weekends went from high top experiences to shitty closure. So quick things can fuck you over huh? I'll add more to this later tonight. I need to take a night time drive.

Shit, Shittier, the Shittiest.

Young Man: My doctor told me you're bad for my health. But it's alright I've been ill long before I met you.
Lady: Really? What's your sickness?
Young Man: Being the nice guy.


What a deadly disease it is indeed. So last week my proclaimed "PERFECT WEEK" became the worst week. And this week was even shittier. SO how do I recover? By not doing shit. I've been stepped on and played before, I'm not afraid of dying, and I've dealt with the same type of bullshit before. It's whatever. I'll just keep trying to find the perfect girl, die when it's my time, and learn from my mistakes again. These past couple weeks have drawn so much energy from me it is ridiculous. Eh hopefully life picks up. Oh yeah they should be a happy post soon for Deaj and all you other California fam. From BayArea to SoCal. It's the only place that can keep me happy no matter the situation.

A product of writing after a horrible phone call and trashy night.

Yeah so it was like 2 am and I couldn't sleep. Had a horrible phone call, boring night, and nothing made up for it. So the product of the night was a poem sorta a song too cuz I had a beat in my head haha. Enjoy?

His heavy heart sinks to the bottom of the dark
No one knows how he can still stand
He's taken all types of pain known to man
He's been told every lie
And he makes the same mistake everytime
No one knows how he can withstand the pain
He walks as if he has no heart, just the brain
No emotions shown
No emotions for him to own
The young man walks around holding what he's got left
He holds all his problems in, bearing his chest
His charming, naive smile is a lie
Think back to all the times he could've cried
He holds his tongue and contains to show his pride
He was only trying to find the right girl
But everytime they just fucked up his world
Every situation ends with a big sigh
For now his only wish is to go off and die

Bullshit. For somereason God hates me.

Yeah he hates me and I now know it. Everytime I think things are gonna go well I take a punch to the stomach from bullshit. Emotionless. Fuck this and fuck me. Just kill me already shit.

Spring Break.

So spring break this year started some what shitty. I couldn't go to ATL, but I did get to go to the Pacquiao fight which was fuckin' boss. Chilled with my favorite uncles and their friend. Dope as fuck weekend. Stayed at home for the first couple days and caught up on COD. I need to start GB'ing again hah. Monday I couldn't sleep at all. I ran off of no sleep. Things in my head were just a gust of confusion. Spent a day in South Padre with homeboys Ethen and Dylan and it was fucking amazing. Just the thing to help get shit off my mind. So many girls, so many colleges, and so much beer. Oh and walking down the strip of South Padre is just as fucking fun with all those drunk fucks. The only part that sucked was sleeping in the car. With Dylan's bitching, Ethen's twitching, and my teeth chattering it was all bad haha. The next night thought, we went to some bitches party in Buda or Kyle whatever the damn towns called and me and homie Ethen wrecked shit at beerpong cuz that's our daily thing haha. 5-1? Lost by 1 cup haha. I wasn't even close to tipsy, but Ethen was fucked haha. Well Spring Break 2010 has been pretty chill, let's finish it off with a bang.

Getting away from all the BULLSHIT!

Yeah so I wasn't able to go to Atlanta like planned, but new plans have come up. Going to South Padre for couple of days. It'll be good for me. I need to get away from this shit that stresses me out and makes me confused as fuck. I still make the same mistakes. I haven't learned at all.



Take a listen.

Update that's well needed.

For an update truely needed. Somewhere out there baby girl Deaj has been waiting for this haha. So what's happened so far since last update. Oh well lacrosse season has started has started and we're fucking kicking ass. No big hah. I've kinda postponed my photography. I need funds for fucking equipment. Where's my damn birthday money? Shit! Haha well yeah I turned 18. Wooh! I feel bad though that I haven't really done any photoshoots. I've taken a lot of product shots though hah. I'm pushin' shit outta my closet finally. I need to sell the rest though fuuuuck. Alright I've been meaning to update my shit, but mostly cuz I wanted post my two favorite women hah.

Zoey Deschanel

Katy Perry


Alright well not much has changed. Love life? None. Job? Naaaaht! Shoehead? Still goin' baby. Oh yeah I've seem to have fallen in love with Air max 1's so if anyone would like to buy me Huf Quake AM1's or Atmos AM1's or the Urawa's I'd love you.

Dropped Contest/ New Addition to Shoe Fam

So uhhh this contest didn't turn out how I wanted it to. Whatever though it's not my loss. I just gotta sell this shit now haha. Hit me up if you want anything. Check my ISS listings. Yeeeeeeeettt. I'm glad this week is over with. No more midterm exams and no more Pre-Cal this semester. The rest of the year is gonna be too fucking easy. Oh yeah I'd just like to note, I raped my Econ final. Gave it the business haha. Also the only positive thing coming out of this week is that my Avengers came. A new edition to my shoe fam.

Yeeaaaaah. Almost done with my hit list. Feel good breh breh. Yeah I guess I'm done. Here's some random shots PP'd and shit.

Long Ass Post. Contest/R.I.P. Crunch/College

Alright so I've been MIA for days now. With no sign of the contest still going on. Well it is, I post poned to start it New Years day, but my family hit an incovience and a loss of our family. At this time I'd like to say my prayers for our beloved and missed puppy Crunch.

R.I.P. Captain Crunch

August 14, 2008 - December 31, 2009

I loved that dog haha.

On to the next one! So the contest is now open. No need for the short quiz just email, text, call and just tell me you want to be in this weeks competition. I would hope there's a lot of participants because this is a pretty good deal. Haha.

This weeks event: Dopest Fit

Send me a picture of you in your dopest fit. From head to toe. Fitteds, tees, vnecks, raw ass denim, g-shocks, Jordan heat, SB heat, AM heat. Whatever it is, bring it out. Once all submissions are in I will post the pics on my blog for the people to vote. And it won't always be the people deciding, most of the time it'll be just me. So yeah just send me some type of notification that you want in.

I LOVE COLLEGE! AYYYYYE I LOVE DRINKING. I LOVE SMOKING. Haha So yeah I was accepted to University of Montana and I plan on going there(unless one of my top schools pick me up) and I plan on partying hard with my homie Ian. So yeah. That's all for this post. No mroe MIA. I'll be on regularly.