I'm 19 and still dealing with the same shit.

I like this more than Tumblr. It's whatever. Birthday was yesterday and it was chill. Getting my first tattoo tomorrow. Still dealing with the same shit. Some how "she's" still creeping my life. I wanted to make this a long ass post, but guess not. Too much shit going on in my head. I just wish for once in my life things would work out the way I want them to.

Let's chill.

Amazing how things have flipped the record. I'm over here. Been over her. Getting on with my life and all of a sudden she wants to play games. All on the hunch of me "still in love with her"? She tries to put me on blast for certain things on my facebook being "about her." The quotation conversation was, but only cuz it was a joking matter between me and another friend. She tried to put me on blast and put out what I had to say with no intention of ever trying to piss her off or hurt her or any thing along those lines. She still hates me, but I don't care only cuz there's obviously nothing I can do. I wanted to try and actually have a civil conversation with her asking if she wanted to talk, but no she took it as a wager of war. One that I don't plan on taking any part in. Yeah it sucks that she's one girl I've had strong feelings for and now I can't even talk to her. I'll let her do her while I do me. She doesn't think so. She rides the idea of me having the deepest urges for her love and wants to fuck with my facebook page and info. Lady you must have a lot of time on your hands. I assumed that you've been done with me. Since you were the one who cheated on me. I was fine with you throwing me in the trash. So stop picking me up and throwing me in every other trash can. Oh and it's amusing to find out that you've been lying to who knows how many people about what happened. If you're willing to lie to one of your bestfriends to cover up the truth who knows what great lengths you've gone to keep others in the dark just to hoist me up as the bad guy. Shaking my god damn fucking head. In the reaction to the shenanigans of stating on my facebook that I'm still in love was laughter and confusion. I laughed because it was child's play. I was confused because why do it all? At that twice. I don't plan on retaliating. I'm 18 and everyone knows I'm too mature to "get even." Once again have a nice life, but keep me out of it. I plan on doing the same. Kick rocks and dueces.

Late night entry on the phone

So a few nights ago as I laid in bed and couldn't sleep I wrote down a blog entry on my phone. Finally getting around to posting it I realized i didn't finish it hah. Well tonight I will. And yes more stupid ass thoughts.

There's so many things I wish I could say to you. I know it wont matter. I know I'm nothing but a forgotten memory now. Nothing more than a cold, brisk wind. I understand this, don't worry I do. All of this will seem as cliche as every romance movie written and produced since the 20th century. The honest truth is there's a shred of me that won't let go. No matter how hard I've tried for some fucked up ass reason I can't. I still love you. I hate it and at the same time am ok with it. It's been months and I can't get over you. Now I know what love is. It's when your heartaches and the pain that is only bearable because you want to hide it. You keep the pain hidden because you believe it's for the best. You need to hide it.Yeah that pain. I bear it because I don't know what I'm suppose to do or say. "Oh yeah I still have feelings for the girl who put me on the pedestal of the biggest fool because she cheated on me." Sad part is that it's happened twice with her. I tell myself I need to bear this pain because I need to learn. I've fallen for girls, but never like this. None such as you. Just seeing a picture makes me feel like I'm about to go into the ER. Nothing makes sense. These past few days my brain has been fluttered with memories of me and you. I hate it and at the same time like it. These "should've" and "could'ves". All of these thoughts to tear me apart from the inside out. Like I said, this was gonna be as cliche as it gets. So as I sit hear listening to my music I'm still trying to find a solution to end these terrors. It's a tad bit ridiculous. 'Getting hurt for no reason just because you're nice." -Neal Llanda. A homie for life. I'm always gonna be the super nice guy. So I guess I'll keep getting hurt for no reason.